sunshrouded | x IC INBOX

[At first, Tenka turns his face into the pillow, as if he'd rather not talk about it. Because in truth, he really would rather not talk about it. He remembers his body being in excruciating pain from experiments, he remembers his heart being torn apart as he kneeled in front of his father's grave, he remembers the retreating backs of every single last one of the Yamainu-

Now this place has given him the memory of five days where his partner, his best friend, and even his own brother didn't respond to him. Not his voice, not his touch, nothing. It didn't matter that Sousei took care of his body because that wasn't him. His mind and influence were still gone.]

... I thought I'd hate not being able to use my left side.

But you couldn't hear my voice. No one could feel it when I reached out to them or grabbed their arm - my hand just went straight through. No matter what I tried, no one could actually even know I was there.

[He glances up at Sousei then, smile tugging at the edge of his lips.]

I followed you for most of the five days when I wasn't yelling at whatever prick had Soramaru's body, but I guess I was right. You couldn't even tell.

[...Tenka was there the whole time. For a moment, the look on Sousei's face is legitimately surprised. He doesn't show that sort of surprise often, but...he'd really had no idea that Tenka had been stuck there, watching the rest of them go about their lives, unable to get to a single one of them.

(A treacherous part of him notes that that's what Tenka had been prepared to do before, when he'd been willing to give himself up.

But Sousei suspects that he's very aware of that now himself.)

"You couldn't even tell", Tenka says, and he's right--Sousei's a bit of a sad excuse for an Abe, if he can't even tell when a ghost is out and about and haunting him. He definitely couldn't have done anything about it. How pitiful. One time when Tenka would have accepted help, and clearly wanted it, and Sousei couldn't do a damned thing.]

... I see.

[It's not his fault it happened, he knows. But nonetheless, that "you couldn't even tell" sticks with him. He's not one for apologies, but--]

You are correct. I could not sense you at all. I did not know you were there. ...Nor would I have been able to help you even if I could have.

[For that much...]

I am sorry for that.

Don't be stupid - it's nothing for you to apologize for.

[It's not hard for Tenka to get a guess at Sousei's thoughts. After all, when Taiko had introduced them, Tenka's first thought was "Abe? The onmyouji familiy?" and yet Sousei had never thought to try to take up their techniques as shamans. Yet those very techniques likely would've been helpful during this and might've spared Tenka some heartache.

But Tenka knows just as well as anyone that heartache is just part of growing.]

I learned something in all the time I had to myself.

[By himself. And yet... he refuses to be bitter about it.

It was hard, it was grueling, and he is shaken. For once in his life, he was more than truly alone. He didn't have his family, the villagers, not even Hirari and his doctor to keep him company in his pain.

Yet during all of Tenka's hardships before, he would constantly strive for the sake of others. For his brothers, for the villagers, for the people who cared about him, he would keep on living. Seeing all the people he cared about keep moving on, somehow still managing even though he was clearly not himself and his own light diminished from the world, he wondered:

Why does it still hurt?

His hands cover his face as he laughs, voice thick with emotion.]

I don't want to be a friendly ghost that haunts the people I love.

I want to be a part of their lives for as long as I can.

[And slowly, he takes in a deep breath, because for a moment, it truly did feel hard to breathe. Tenka dismisses his guilt as easily as that (as easily as Sousei had dismissed his leaving of the Yamainu once he knew why), and it just feels right that way. That is...how it should be. There is some lingering guilt, of course; he was basically useless during that mess, and that's painful to admit, and he wouldn't have been had he picked up his family's techniques--

But that is not what matters right now.

What matters, is that finally, Sousei can believe Tenka. Tenka said two times before that he didn't want to die, that he had no intentions of it, but it was hard to accept. After all, he'd given up so easily. He'd been ready to allow himself to be executed, and to leave everyone behind--to go to a place where none of them could follow, and Sousei knew he would be alone.

He'd tried warning him then, but he had not listened.

But now, listening to this... it's painful, in a way, but it's honest and sincere too. These are Tenka's true feelings. He saw what it was like to be separated, and unable to be a part of his loved ones' lives. And now...Sousei really believes that it's enough. Slowly, like when they were children, he lies back down next to Tenka, claiming part of the pillow back, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

They'd talked like this, when Tenka had had nightmares and Sousei had gotten over the grumpiness of being woken up. He remembers.]

...Good. Don't forget this feeling. There is not a single person who wishes you out of their lives. [Not even Shirasu--or he'd find it easier to deny and avoid Tenka. But he'd asked instead if Tenka was okay, and so...even Shirasu.]

...Be certain to be a part of them for so long as you are able.

[Tenka is not prone to crying.

Despite all the times he'd encourage Soramaru and Chuutarou to cry - to let their emotions run wild and feel everything that they needed to feel because there was no weakness in being human - he never took the time to cry after his parents had died. Even in the pain, he would refuse to shed tears.

Except on the day of his execution, in which he allowed himself to shed a tear over accepting his death.

Except on this morning, in which he can't quite help himself in shedding tears because he now he refuses his death.

When he laughs, there is sadness in his voice. It never hit him what death would be like until he experienced a very close replica of it. It was a life without being able to laugh with his brothers, without being able to mess with Sousei, without being able to do everything that he clung onto so desperately for so long. He'd worked so hard and then let it all be taken away.

Now he refuses to let it happen.

Despite everything, he still laughs, despite the sadness in his voice.]

I'm not going anywhere.

[He wipes off the trail of the tear as he brings his hands down from his face and as he rolls over onto his stomach so that he can push himself up and look Sousei in the face, it's as if he wasn't crying at all.]

Except home, that is. We'll all make it back before Chuutarou even notices we're gone.

[As if he wasn't crying at all, but Sousei knows him better than that. But then, there's no shame in tears. That is something they both believe, something they were both taught by Tenka's parents. Even if Sousei struggles to emulate it, even if Tenka tries so hard to show only a smiling face, they both learned and believed--there is no shame in feeling emotions like a human being.

He knows, but he does not bring it up, shifting his gaze instead from the ceiling (unfamiliar still, even after a few months) to Tenka's face (familiar, even after ten years).

Sousei's starting to think it won't be so easy as that. He's starting to realize that they're going to be in a great deal of trouble when it comes to getting home. This fiasco....is only the beginning of things going wrong. But this isn't the time or place for half-baked, paranoid theories.

Instead, he arches an eyebrow at Tenka, because it is still a ridiculous hour, and Tenka did still wake him up.]

Lie down, if you insist on taking up room.

[He knows Tenka's feelings now on this--and he accepts them. Tenka isn't going anywhere. Finally, finally, he can believe it...and it's a relief indeed.]

We have plenty to do before that, but it will be easier now that these problems have been resolved. [His deafness, Tenka's incorporeal status........ maybe the ghosts in general??

... Have they been resolved? He can hear again, but--]

Are you alright now? [That's...a question that covers a lot of ground, isn't it...]

I'll lie down and suffocate you.

[It's kind of an immediate response but even then, Tenka does eventually flop back down instead of supporting his weight, still oriented so that he's face down with his head turned toward Sousei. Technically he's a guest in this bed.... and he'd kinda tired so it's probably the only reason why he's bothering to listen.

But this is still easy. They're far too old for this now - this nonsense of sharing beds and going to each other after nightmares and yet it's one of the most natural things that Tenka can think of. This is comfortable and he doesn't want to get up.

At the question though.... he hums.]

I miss my brothers.

[It's practically a state of being when it comes to Tenka but especially after not having command of his body for five days, it's especially harsh. All he wants to do is pull both Soramaru and Chuutarou into a hug but even now, that's impossible.

But at least he's being honest.]

How about you? Shirasu said some pretty mean things.

[Oh yeah, by the way, he was there for the catfight.]

[He's going to kick you out of bed at one point, he really is. They are way too old for this nonsense now--

But not yet. The conversation is too important, and he doesn't intend to cut it short. So he nods thoughtfully at that response, unsurprising as it is, and relaxes. Of course Tenka misses his brothers. It's a given--but it's still good that he's willing to legitimately say so.

Soramaru is here, and back, and hopefully also back to normal now like Tenka... but Chuutarou is not yet here, and that's difficult.]

We will return to Chuutarou properly in time.

[... ... ... of course, then there's that, and it registers for Sousei just what "I was following you around" means. Of course he was there. Sousei stiffens only a little, to his credit, and shifts his gaze away from Tenka again, eyes narrowed.]

... I'm fine. What he thinks does not bother me.

[Mostly true, honestly. There are other things that bother him, but Shirasu being a dick is one of those things that's just a given at this point.]

I know that.

[Tenka's goal ever since he arrived was to get back to his brothers. Now that he's heard from Soramaru that apparently that they'll be victorious in the end and there won't be any problems.... it's better. But the doesn't mean that he's used to such a quiet house. Even with Soramaru and Nishiki, it's not as lively without their youngest brother running around and having adventures.

So his response is as simple as that. They'll get back. They have to. Now that Tenka refuses to die, he is entirely set on being able to carry his youngest brother on his shoulders again.

. . . . but more importantly, the issue of Sousei and and Shirasu. Tenka keeps his gaze on Sousei then, even as he looks away. There's no denying that a sigh escapes him then.]

Sousei...

[It's just a name, grumbled rather disapprovingly, and yet Tenka thinks that it says basically everything that he wants to.

Mostly true isn't gonna cut it. And a simple "I'm fine" isn't enough for him either.]

[...Wow, that's a disapproving tone. It's a tone he hasn't heard from Tenka since...he stopped him from eating part of his dinner the other day.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Regardless, despite everything, it's still a relief. Tenka the ghost would not have said his name in such an exasperated tone. He would not have said his name at all, admittedly, but certainly not like this. This is 100% Tenka, irritation and irritating habits and all, and it's more of a relief than Sousei would probably like to admit to.

So he can't quite help the way his eyes slide shut, even as his lips quirk slightly into a more amused expression. No, the issue with Shirasu is certainly still a Problem, but... he's relieved, even so.]

I intended to assist him. He did not want my assistance. [Sousei's glad Tenka wasn't there for the bitchy phone call Shirasu jacked either. "Can you do something about it, Abe no Sousei-san" still smarts, a little, despite how much he'd prefer it not to get under his skin.] He does not trust me, and has no reason to.

[After all, he did destroy everything for him, presumably...

But Sousei you're just rehashing what Tenka already saw......]

Sooouuuseeeeiiiiiii.

[Don't worry Sousei, the ghost wouldn't have said your name like that either which is to say - the same grumbling and exasperation as earlier but this time with extended vowels. Because yeah no, that's exactly what Tenka saw and he's getting absolutely nothing new out of it? He already told you that he was there for the entire thing - this is hardly a surprise to him thus far.

And because being a ghost also meant not being able to interact with the physical world, it also means that Tenka's even quicker to abandon his concerns with the physical boundary between him and Sousei that showed up after ten years. So he's reaching out to swat at his shoulder first before actually shaking him a bit. Stop closing your eyes, start paying attention to him.

Though admittedly Tenka's expression is just more frowning and something in his eyes that's also wondering "what the hell are you smiling about?"]

[Yeah, you're not getting that out of him at the moment, Tenka. Instead, Sousei does pry open his eyes, because as fond as he is at this moment, and as glad as he is that Tenka is back to normal--

The shaking and the drawn out name are both really irritating nonetheless.

He arches an eyebrow.]

...We are not going to get along. [And he's certainly not going to apologize for that one. It's not his fault. He's not nice to Shirasu, no, but he doesn't go around provoking him first, okay.] I'm not sure what more you want to hear.

I know that you're really bad at having emotions but they definitely exist.

[Which is to say that he heard a lot of other things in the conversation with Shirasu - which was to say that Shirasu was picking exactly at the fact that Sousei didn't know any onmyouji skills. Something that Sousei admitted was bothering him just earlier in the conversation. Maybe Tenka didn't hear the bit on the phone but it's a little hard to misunderstand 'ineffectual flailing'.

He's not Kiiko - he's never been instinctively protective over Sousei and his pride.

But for some reason, when it's Shirasu, Tenka feels all the more motivated to make sure that none of it actually bothered Sousei.]

He knows how to hit where it hurts - so I'm gonna ask again. Are you okay? I told you that it's not a big deal if you can't smell ghosts or whatever the Abe do.

[Smell.....ghosts.............. ok tenka sure.

Admittedly, Sousei is not and never has been attached to his family. He has the family name. He has the family sword. But he does not know them, and they gave him up without a moment's hesitation or care. Why should he have cared much for whether or not he was a worthy successor to the onmyouji name?

...Except.

Here, it would actually be useful. His sword skills are as well, of course, and he does not regret picking up the sword and learning all he could from Taiko-- but if he could have done more, he would have been able to help Soramaru and Tenka, and others--not in so ineffectual a way as 'ineffectual flailing' and depending on his family sword.

He huffs at that, faintly, which is probably more an indication than anything that he is bothered, a bit, if he's bothering to be exasperated at Tenka's prodding.]

I am fine. [That much is true. Bothered or not, he doesn't really think it's enough to classify himself as "unfine".] ...Though my inability is tedious, I do not regret choosing the sword instead.

[But...he's starting to get the feeling that it would've been worth knowing, in a place like this, and of all people, the one with the Abe last name can't even exorcise a ghost.]

[As expected, Tenka's paying more attention to the huff than the "I am fine". Because now that he thinks about it, Sousei can be chased by monsters or demonic Shinsengumi Captains and still have the nerve to say that he's fine. But at least the fact that he's elaborating now is something that Tenka can pull a little bit more information out of.

Still though he's just snorting faintly at that.]

Let's be honest - if you picked up the onmyouji route instead, would you still be able to use the sword as well as you do? "Woe is me, I'm Sousei and I can't be good at everything."

[Though this is about the time that Tenka's cracking himself up with his own jokes, though his laugh is at least less obnoxious than normal. It's reminiscent of how this would go when they were kids too, once the nightmares faded away from memory and Tenka was left obscuring his laughter into the pillow before he woke up their parents.

It's sort of similar now, except they're older.

Now he's trying not to wake up the kids.]

You made a good choice. Not like Dad would've been able to teach you anything anyway.

[That's not even a joke??? God, Tenka, you are The Worst. Still...it's vaguely reassuring nonetheless. Sure, he can't be good at everything. He put his everything into learning the sword, and it put him where he is today. That's worth remembering.

He knows his own inability will rankle at him, especially in moments like these when it would legitimately have resolved so many problems-- if only.

But Tenka's right. His family...was the Kumou family, not the Abe family. There was nobody to really teach him onmyoudou. He just needs to remember that (easy) and not be too exasperated when there are ghosts everywhere and he can't do much about it (much harder).]

That is true. As I said, I don't regret it.

[... .... ....... okay but--]

You were watching that entire confrontation? [If it...can even be called that when instead of yelling they were typing things out as quickly as possible at each other....]

[Tenka's shoulders are honestly still shaking with laughter at his own joke because to him it was a joke, alright. Making fun of Sousei is always a good time especially since literally no one else does it in good humor. Everyone is either part of the Sousei fan club or apparently Shirasu. Tenka makes it a point to be original when it comes to his partner.

Luckily he's still in his good humor when the next question come around because honestly-]

Yeah. It was really harsh.

[That much is something he can say objectively. Though eventually his laughter dies off completely as he shakes his head, partially in exasperation and partially because he really had no idea what to do.]

You were both deaf so nothing I said reached either of you. Mostly I was just wondering why you didn't just walk away....

[Because he knew that it was going to get bad.

He just didn't think that it would get as bad as it did.]

[...And he sighs at that, silently, though the movement is apparent by the way his shoulders move. Why didn't he walk away? Because it bothers him that Shirasu walks free when he doesn't deserve to. It bothers him that Shirasu has the gall to ask after Tenka and Soramaru's health as if he wasn't prepared to let both of them die--or worse, in Soramaru's case.

He can't walk away immediately, because he can't let it go.

He's the captain of the guard dogs, Tenka. It's only natural that he would be one himself when it comes to the people that are important to him.]

... I did. Perhaps I should have sooner.

[A wry, slight quirk of his lips, and he shakes his head slightly.]

My original intention had been as I stated. [To get rid of the ghosts--Shirasu's ghosts or no. The ghosts were the bigger problem.]

You should've sooner.

[It's sort of Tenka's automatic response because in all honesty, logically, he thinks it makes sense. What's the point of arguing with Shirasu? Shirasu didn't want the help and it was ultimately a waste of time that was exchanged in short, passive-aggressive and sometimes genuinely aggressive text messages.

Even if Sousei's messages were civil enough, his body language and facial expressions were honestly just barely there.

Tenka lives happily and foolishly but he's not an actual idiot - especially when it comes to reading the emotions and actions of the people closest to him. Shirasu can have a sharp tongue but he's never been that sharp around the Kumous, not even around the policemen.

The same could be said of Sousei. For all of their arguing and banter, Tenka hadn't felt the actual cutting edge of Sousei's words since the day of his execution.

The exchange between the two was nothing but unpleasant reminders.

Regardless, his shoulders just slump as he sighs and settles his cheek on the pillow again. Even though he should probably consider his words a bit more, of course he doesn't-]

You don't want Shirasu's help - I doubt you even want him breathing the same air as you based on those nasty looks you gave him - so of course he doesn't want yours either, Sousei.

[ . . . . which honestly sucks but-]

Thanks for trying at least....

[Of course he doesn't--and he doesn't need to. Sousei knows that. Perhaps that was a jab as well...an offer of help from someone who did not even want to see his face. A reminder of how Sousei can tackle the supernatural head-on with the assistance of his sword...just like the Orochi.

Though honestly, the main thing is simply--]

It was not for him. [He would not do anything for Shirasu at this point. He may save his life, were it to be in danger, but it would only be for Tenka and Soramaru again. Not for Shirasu.]

I decided the ghosts were troublesome enough that they needed to be removed.

[You know, since one of them rendered him deaf, and another stole Tenka's body, and still another took Soramaru's.]

As for the delay... [... really, it's that he's human too, with human emotions, no matter how bad he is at showing them. He doesn't like Shirasu. He hates him for what he did to the Kumou family. So when he's getting nasty messages in return, it's all too easy to fall down to that level. Even for him.]

... I will attempt to avoid it in the future.

... s'fine.

[Tenka sighs in response to that, taking a second to just bury his face into the pillow, flopping because in truth, it's exhausting. Emotions are exhausting and this conversation exhausting, important as it is. It's so hard for him to figure out what to do. If it was anyone else who would be so aggressive to Sousei, Tenka would've already clocked them without remorse.

But no, it's Shirasu. And Shirasu is the only other man who Tenka would've been willing to make enemies for, if it meant defending him and keeping his pride intact.

What's he supposed to do when those two important people of his openly dislike each other? It's a case of Sousei actually having emotions and Shirasu acting of his own accord, both of which are also things that Tenka would support - except for the fact that Sousei's emotions are negative and Shirasu's actions are also negative.

When he lifts his head again, he's setting his arms to rest underneath him, letting his chin lay on top of them.]

You guys... I don't know what to do with either of you. As long as you don't physically hurt each other....

It's not really something I get a say in, is it?

[Sousei doesn't bother to shift when Tenka flops. Tenka is the sort of person who has always flopped around, everywhere. It means he's comfortable--and Sousei considers that important. This isn't home, but if it's a place where Tenka can feel comfortable enough to lie about like this, it's good enough.

Until they make it back to their proper home.

Because honestly, the conclusion Tenka just came to is one that Sousei had always known was inevitable. Of course Tenka can't step in here. He would have to pick one over the other, then--and Sousei has no interests in forcing a choice on him like that. The last time, he'd had to choose between the Yamainu and his brothers, and he chose his family.

Sousei doesn't really want to even consider what this choice would yield.

He's not going to make Tenka make it--if he can help it.]

It is not. We are not going to reconcile, Tenka.

[There's too much bad blood between them. Sousei doesn't even want to know why he would try.]

... The only person he may ever consider doing so with is you. And that is not certain either.

Well, I guess I should've known better than to expect that the Captain of the Yamainu and the most devoted servant of the Orochi would get along.

[Though admittedly he never really expected them to be friends. After all, even in their first meeting, one word from Sousei was enough to get Shirasu to levels of murderous that even Soramaru and Chuutarou hadn't seen before. It's almost like they were set to never truly get along - though Tenka was hoping that at least they'd manage to be cordial and not stab each other.

Yet even the implication that a sword may be drawn is something that gets close to starting off a fight. Shirasu had already thrown a kunai directly at Sousei's head. There's no helping it with these two.

Regardless, Tenka's just going to huff now as he turns his head to face Sousei.]

As long as you don't get hurt, it's not my business.

[With a sigh, his eyes slide shut in thought.]

So do me a favor and make sure it doesn't become my business before I have to beat up my shrine keeper.

[There was no helping it indeed, and Sousei is resigned as well. This is the inevitable relationship they are bound to have. He will constantly face Shirasu, constantly remind him of his failure, and in turn, Shirasu will constantly remind Sousei of the danger he presented to Sousei's family.

Saying it'll be a strained relationship is a firm understatement.

Regardless, in response to that, Sousei turns his head to look at Tenka as well, propping himself up on an elbow so he can look properly unimpressed.]

Do not underestimate me. I won't get hurt. [Please.

It's easier to say that than to bring up the unspoken implication in Tenka's words that he would take Sousei's side if he were to be injured in some way by Shirasu.

It seems like something a little too fragile and tentative for Sousei to really bring it up now.]

[Okay, that response manages to get Tenka to open an eye and glance over at Sousei.

It's been at least a decade since they were this comfortable with each other. It seemed like in the span of 24 hours, they went from childhood best friends who stayed in the same room and were part of the same family to estranged and distant orphans who decided to go their separate ways. Yet something like this manages to be familiar.

They're talking about new problems and things that they never would've considered as guests. When they were children, their conversations were centered on who ate more veggies (Sousei) or who was winning in their streak (often ties but Tenka would like to think it was him). Now they're talking about the chances of Tenka losing Sousei for once if he were to get into a fight with the person that Tenka came to trust in Sousei's own absence.

Sousei's still trying to convince him that he's invincible.

Which is why Tenka snorts and reaches over to push Sousei's shoulder, trying to knock him off his balance while he's still propped up on one elbow.]

Shut up, Sousei.

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